Name: Leah
Age: 21
Relationship status: Taken
Bay Area Location: Sonoma
Favourite Colour: Pink
Favourite Band/Musician: Static-X, Deftones, and Led Zeppelin
Favourite Book: Hmm... Shattering Glass
Favourite Movie: Ever After, Original Sin, and A Walk to Remember
What do you do for fun?: Go to the local bar here in town and drink with friends. I do yoga to help my stress and smoke bug for pain. ;)

One thing you like in a woman: Honestly, her body, and big boobs. I've never really had a relationship with a woman. But I love looking at a woman's body. I would consdifer myself a man in that aspect...
One thing you like in a man: His personality
Which gender are you more attracted to?: Male

I was reading all the posts yesterday while I was at work, which of course, turned me on. I decided to stop for a while, since I wasnt getting off work for a little while. I was going to go home and fuck Ray real fast before I went to yoga, but I didnt have time. Damn

Because I talked to my mother-in-law yesterday, I was pretty upset at how much I missed her. I went to yoga and tried to calm myself from the inside out. I think yoga is doing wonders for me. Its getting easier easier. The more I go and the more water I drink, I'll be able to do it all soon.

Anyway... While I was at yoga last night, I tried to take everything from the day and release from my mind, body, and soul. Usually, my heart is beating so fast I cant really slow down and breathe. Well last night I forced myself to be calm and forget everything. I actually did it. After every pose you go to your 'sovacina', laying on your back and relaxing before your next pose. While I was laying there I focused on my breathing and pushed everything out of my head. I did it. My heart slowed to its normal pase and I could breathe like normal.

So I pushed myself harder. I felt so good when I came home. I took a shower, we ate dinner and watched some T.V.

We got in bed and watched more T.V. I rolled over to cuddle with Ray and I moved my hand and touched his boxers, and he started laughing at me! "Took you longer then I thought." Hehehehehe

He took off his boxers and I climbed on top. We kissed deeply then he pushed me forward and went down, and started licking me. He inserted his fingers inside and fingered and licked me into orgasm. Mmm...

I came down and sat on his rock hard cock. He took my head in his hands, pushed my hair out of the way, and kissed me. He hasnt kissed me like that in long time. I kept him deep him inside me, just moving my hips slowly and deeply. He kept kissing me. When I was about to cum he held me tighter and kissed me deeper. I came so hard.

Still holding my head he pushed it back just a little and told me to look at him. I did and his eyes were glazed over, eye lids down just a little, looking deep into my soul all with love. He kissed me again and told me to find my spot.

Every time he tells me that, I find it immediatly. Pushing his hips into mine as I push mine down, I came again. I felt him pulsing inside me as he came with me. Eyes closed, face scrunched, and moaning loudly he came inside me.

Breathing heavily, he kissed me one more time. I rolled over and stared into the ceiling. Oh my god that was great! I looked at him and told him we have the best sex! He laughed and smiled, got up and we cleaned up, then passed out.

I got home, dialed and waited for her to answer before I could even think about it.

She answered on the 2nd ring with a voice that was tired.

"Hi Debbie, its Leah."

"Oh hi sweetie! How are you?"

Exhale! Ok she didnt hang up, she even sounded happy, maybe this isnt going to be so bad afterall. Heartbeat slows down and I fell into an old habbit I miss dearly.

My mother-in-law. Who was always a mother to me than an in-law.

She knew the reason I called, and she was glad I did. She told me about her heart attack and all the pain she has been having. My heart ached, I should be there with her.

As we talked, she told me about the divorce and whats going with that. I should get the papers sometime soon, and she is sorry its taken so long. Suddenly I didnt want to divorce her. Of course I want to divorce him, but I dont want to lose her. And she assured me I didnt have to. Relieved to hear my divorce will be going through soon!

We caught up on whats been going on with us. I guess he is doing good with new friend at a new base. Still in Germany, but working on coming back to states due to his medical condition now. My sister-in-law broke up with her boyfriend whom cheated on her... Pattern with those siblings? She is back home and getting ready to go to Paris for school. Good for her, I know how much she likes to travel.

Im to call her next time Im in town to see her. She hopes by then she can give me the divorce papers.

I hung up the phone and sat on the couch staring into space. Then I started to cry. I have not cried one tear since I came home from Germany over him. But Im cying over his mom. She was there for me when he wasnt. The only one, other than my sister, who knew about my abortion. I give her all the credit for me not going insane about that.

Since he always told her about ALL our problems, I soon started confiding in her about him. I had a problem with it at first but he told her so much that I came to realize I could use it for my benefit. She kept me sane while we were together. When he was stuck in his damn video games, I was at her house just hanging out. She owned a duplex, she on one side, me on the other. Needless to say I was always at her house. And she gave the best christmas presents.

I miss her. Terribly. And I didnt realize till I heard her voice. We were so close.

I decided not to go to yoga last night because my yoga clothes werent dry. Ugh. So I stayed home and intended to do laundry. Didnt happen...

I went online to see what was going and started reading posts. Of course, I got so worked up, but I didnt do anything about it. I wanted to be ready for Ray when he got home, basketball game. I dont like being home by myself, I get so bored I dont know what to do, and in turn I get lazy so I dont do what I need/should be doing. So I got offline so I wouldnt be tempted to do anything to myself.

Ray got home and we watched T.V. for a little. I was sitting on the couch and he was getting ready to take a shower. He walked over to me stood on the couch, naked, an got right in front of me, pulled up his balls and smacked them down on my forehead. His ball are huge, they hang down way past his cock, even when he is hard... Hehe :D

I just laughed. He is always smacking my face with his cock and balls. He gets this cute little boy grin on his face. I love it!

So after he is done with that, he takes his shower. I just sit on the couch reading my book with the T.V. on for noise. He gets done and wipes off while I walk into the kitchen to make some popcorn, the come over to me, grabs my arms and tried to push down to suck his cock. I've told him before that I dont like being forced to suck his cock. Thats the only thing I just cant do.

Due to reasons in my past, being forced to suck someone's cock, even though its Ray, it fucks up my head. All the memories came rushing back and I forced them away. When it got too bad I just looked up and saw Ray, and I was ok.

He picked me up off the ground and told me to bend over, better yet go into the bedroom and bend over. he ripped off my shirt and I proceeded into the room. He slamed me down and tore off my shorts and shoved his cock inside me. Mmmm

Holding onto my hips he grbs the lube, pulls out, and shoves him inside my ass. Mmmm!!!! Its been tooooo long since anal, I miss it.

I have to be fucked hard in my ass or I go crazy.

"Tell me how to fuck you!" "Harder!"

I move my hand under my belly to play with myself, as my head gets shoved onto the bed. Thats when I lose it.

Also for reasons in my past, which I'm over, my head cant be shoved into anything. But because of being forced to suck his cock my head went spinning. I tried to block it and focus on his cock inside my ass. Damn but it felt so good!

I just couldnt. He came and I felt him pulsing on my walls and then he collapsed on me. That was when I started tearing up. I went to the bathroom to clean up then into the living room with him.

I could hear HIS voice in my head, when Ray touched me it felt like he was touching me. I saw him standing in our kitchen, sitting on the couch, sittng at our table... I went into the room and cried my eyes out. Ray stayed in the living room, finishing the T.V. show.

I wish he came in the room a little earlier then he did. It felt like HE was in the room with me, sitting on the bed in front of me, starting to touch me. I have come too far for him to come back and fuck my mind like that.

When Ray did come into the room, he came and layed behind me on the bed with his arms around and on me. I immediatly felt better. I just wanted to cry on his shoulder. He told me it was ok, and he cant hurt me anymore, and I believed him. I believe him.

I just wish he was there. I think he thought I wanted to be left alone. Which I kinda did, but I didnt. I thought he knew that. But he doesnt read minds and I didnt tell him I wanted him. But I needed him.

I just want him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Which he did, but... I dont know, maybe Im just too needy.

On another note, as I was talking to my mom last night, she informed me that my mother-in-law called her yesterday. They really were going to ship my ex to Iraq... Luckily, kinda, he hurt his back and got 2 herniaded* disks in his lower back and now he isnt going. So thats good. My mother-in-law had a heart attack in October. My eyes got a little watery when I heard that. I miss her, I hope she is ok.

I have to call her today on my lunch break. But I guess there is something wrong with my ex's taxes or some shit like that so the divorce can go through... Hmm... You dont need your taxes to file for divorce or for it to even go through... So I have to call her and find out what the hell is going on.

I hope she doesnt hate me. I fucked her son over royaly and Im so very sorry for that. It was never my intention to hurt him so badly. Im done with him though, I couldnt go on any longer pretending I loved him. But his mom... She is a saint. I loved and love her. We got along so great, she treated me like a daughter. Always calling me to go shopping with her, everytime she baked or got a cake or cookies or anything, she always called me. Anytime, ok everytime, me and her son got into an argument, I would go to her she would talk to me and tell me the truth. If I was at fault she told me, if he, most of the time was, was at fault she told him. He always hated me for this... ;) She was always on my side.

My mom says she doesnt hate me and when she talks about me, her voice goes soft. So we'll see how it goes after lunch.

Its nice to be back on here again, I think I missed it more then I thought.

So here are my steamy posts I think everyone is looking forward to reading again.

One thing that LJ does for me is turn me on, a lot. I read back on some posts and new ones, and once again, I got extremely turned on. I decided to not go to yoga class last night because I had a headache. It was Monday, so of course, Monday Night Football and the guys were over.

Our house is so small that we only have room for one couch and a recliner. 2 guys on the couch, R in his recliner and one other guy in a chair from our table. No room for me. I wasnt going to ask his friend C to move, so I went into our room and read for a while, which was what I wanted to do anyway. Well the books I read are the cheesy love story ones, so of course on top of reading LJ today, I got even more hot.

So I started texting R and telling him how hot I was and what I wanted to do him when the guys left. Which in turn got him turned on. He then started telling me what he wanted me to do while I was in there, 8 feet from him and his friends. Get out a toy, get the plug, use the vibe, fill each hole, maybe I should come in there and shove my cock down your throat so you have all holes filled... Mmmm...

On the verge on making myself cum, the guys left and I went to the bathroom. I walked up to R and kissed and followed him into the room. I took off my clothes layed there spread eagle for him. He took off his clothes and got on the bed.

"I want you to put the plug back in." "OK"

He started kissing my nipples and running his tongue just over my skin. I grabed his cock and started stroking. Me on my back and R on his kness to the side of me. I started rubbing the plug on my clit and when he would suck on my nipples and inserted the plug inside my soaking wet pussy.

He held the plug there, got in front of me and started licking my clit. He pushed on the plug so I could feel it deep inside while he teased and sucked on my clit. It wasnt long before I came.

He come up to me, shoved his cock inside me and started fucking me. I came within seconds, and so did he. Laying there, I was so out of breath. We wiped off and went to watch TV.

When it was time for bed, I got horny again. I lay in bed everynight and want to rip off his clothes and fuck him. But he is so tired some nights, I let him sleep. Not last night, and he was exhausted. Laying on the couch cuddling with him, I started touching him and playfuly unzipping his shorts. He started giggling and laughing with me. We got in bed and I couldnt take it anymore. I almost let him sleep, but I wanted more.

So I got more.

I put my hair in a pony tail and got down to business. Started licking and sucking his cock. When he was hard and asking me to ride him, I finally did. He slipped right in... Mmmm...

The one thing that pisses me off, is I focus so much on cumming, I psych myself out and cant cum. He has to stop me and talk me into cumming. But then when I do, oh god it feels good.

We cleaned up, and I passed out so quick, I dont remember anything after.

I dont understand my thinking sometimes...

When Im with R, I want to be sexy and dress sexy and let my huge boobs hang out of my shirts... I actually walk out of the house like this and feel comftorble.

Except, when I get around other people. I pull down my skirts, wish I wore other shoes, why did I wear this shirt?, where are my jeans?...

He makes me feel sexy, but when I get out in public I want to cover up.

Im not comftorble with my body, unless Im with home alone with R. I need to change this...

Also, my bi-curiousness is kicking in. We were at a bar last night and all I could think of was 'where are the hot chicks for me to take home?' There were a couple at the bar, one in particular with great cleavage, but I was with a bunch of his friends and they dont know Im bi.

His friends dont really know me and my sexual side. The majority of them are guys, which Im actually more comftorble with, and the girls kinda keep to their circles.

Im too sexual of a person for some people. Last Friday at our local bar, my second home basicaly, I was making my usual sexual comments and was told to keep them to myself. Being as drunk as I was, I walked to a nearby table, sat, and cried. Pathetic... I know...

I miss my friends. My best friend is just as sexual as I am, if not more. There is only one of his friends that I feel comftorble to be completely myself around, and he isnt around hardly at all. The bartender at the Lodge is a really good friend of mine, the only one I have here, and she is the bartender. I cant go out anywhere with her or do anything with her. She works 2 jobs and lives out of town.

Im lonely. I usually get along fine without any girl friends. But I guess because I dot have any here, Im craving for the female attention.

I need a girl like me, or someone who is ok with my 'sexual bluntness and comments'.

I miss my friends. I miss my best friend.

I dont want my whole world to revolve around R. That is a pattern Im NOT going to create again. But I dont do anything or go anywhere to make friends. And Im so damn shy around people I dont know, its so damn hard for me to make friends.

I have to have my own life, my own friends, my own 'thing'. I have yoga and work. Yoga, ok some potential there... Only thing is I dont talk to anyone. You cant talk during class, and after Im so damn sweaty and tired I just want to go home and take a shower. I work at a car dealership. Im the only woman asides the office manager, who is 40 something. She is awsome, we get along great here at work, but there is nothing outside of work. R's sister is awsome, me and her click really well, again she has her friends and her own thing.

Wheres' MY thing????

I need to get my ass back in school, but cant afford it right now. I need my mom to help with financial aid papers and my stupid fucking 'husband' is no where. My taxes are all fucked up thanks to him, not to mention my credit.

My life is more then I could ask for. But is it too much to ask for friends? Preferably ones who are not offended by my real self.

So I havent been on here in forever!

Completely settled in here in my new town with the boyfriend. Life is better then I expected. I found a job within 2 weeks of officialy moving in with R, and that lasted about 2 months. It was too far for me to drive everyday and I just wasnt 'clicking' with the girls that worked there. Sad, because they were all my age and I could have made some good friends. I still dont have any here... :( I hated it there so I never went to work, they ended up firing me, big shocker.

I took about a week and half and applied at the local car dealership here in town and got the job. I absolutly love it here! Only thing is, Im used to a big town dealership, here its so small I hardly have anything to do. But I guess its ok cause I get paid for surfing the net all day, which again, Im used to. Oh well...

R and I are doing wonderful! His business is picking up again and he is putting a sprinklers in our front yard so we can finaly get grass! Yay! No more wiping the dogs paws off every time they go to the bathroom! I adopted a new kitty from a co-worker who couldnt take care of her anymore. She is a year old and big and furry. Im getting her groomed tomorrow and the vet.

R is officaly divorced, too bad I cant say the same... :( I still cant have a civil conversation, or emails, with my ex. I havent tried in a long time, I need to call my mother-in-law and find out whats going on. Or just file myself, which I think Im going to have to do.

I couldnt figure out why he hasnt sent me the papers to sign yet... Well the Army would cut his paycheck in half. I think Im going to have to put a stop to that. I heard he was getting ready to go over to Iraq. I hope he knows that if something happends to him over there, I get his life insurance... And I know he does not want that. Oh well...

Since being with R I have gained weight... More then I would like and am comftorble with. So R's sister invited me to do a different kind of yoga with her. And now Im addicted. Its Bikram's Yoga... Heated yoga. I love it! Im going tonight!

Ok now I'll get to the sex... GREAT! Ray and I have calmed down quite a bit, but its still all the time. A couple weeks ago we took the dogs to the dog park to play and when all the other people left, he had me spread eagle on the table fucking me in broad daylight. He hasnt tied me up in a while. :( Which I pointed out to him the other night...

I think I want to find a woman to share our bed with... Sitting at home I get a little scared thinking about it, but when we are out at a bar or something I just want to walk up and hit on a girl. Im like a guy in a way... When I look at a woman, I look at her chest and not her face. Oh well...

I think thats it for now...